Monday, February 25, 2008

Glogging on HEAVY Meds

*Note: This was written on Friday night on HEAVY meds! Yes, he is just this sarcastic and no, I'm not offended!

Today was a hellish day. As a thirty year old man I did something today that most of you did when you were in high school or college...I had my wisdom teeth removed. . AND, they were all impacted! I will share with you that I have been putting this off for over ten years. I have had several dentists tell me that they need to be removed, but I believe dentists are glorified salesmen. Dentists are in business to do more oral procedures so I truly believe that they try to upsell us, the unwitting consumer, and therefore I never moved on it. Besides the fact that I thought I was being scammed, I had no other real reason for the delay, other than I guess, I don't like pain. But two weeks ago when I was eating a wonderful sandwhich from TooJays (the triple j) I felt a shooting pain in the back of the right side of my mouth. To my dismay I quickly realized that not only had my impacted wisdom tooth finally broken through, but there was a significant crack down the middle of it. So at seven am this morning my mommy (yes that's right I said mommy, I think its allowed when you are in pain or having surgery to revert to a childlike state), took me to the oral surgeon. (Note: he is talking about his actual mother. We both think it's a bit creepy to refer to your spouse as mommy or daddy!) Two hours later I left the Dr's office with lips like Julia Roberts and cheeks like a chipmunk. So here I am on a wonderful pain medicine called darvaset, glogging for you my wonderful and caring fan base. (Please feel free to send gifts, cards and well wishes to my personal assistant Brandi at brandim@westwoodchurch.com).
So many things have happened since I last mused, Brandi had a birthday, Jon and Renae came to town, I had my wisdom teeth out and most important Dumptruck got his anal glands cleaned. (If you have a dog that needs to have this done you know what I mean).
The focus of this heavily medicated glog will be a tribute to my wife:
Brandi is a wonderful wife, fantastic mother, and one hot piece of tail but having said that I would like to focus on the things that she is not. (I am going to blame the drugs for this section, I am not sure why I would proceed with this undertaking, but oh well).
-She is not a fantastic cook...my wife was born with a cell phone in her hand and the best use that I can see for this phone is to order us some dinner.
-She is not a vocalist, please understand that when she sings it is passionate and heartfelt worship of our Lord and Savior but it is a good thing that God judges the heart and not the sound because she would be in trouble.
-She is not a great driver, she most likely is an excellent driver, however as I previously mentioned she was born with a cell phone in her had and thus she is a distracted driver. Please note that I am not exaggerating with regard to her affinity for cell phones. Brandi averages 3000+ minutes per month which does not include the time that she spends on our home phone or time spent communicating via email and blogs. (How does anyone have that much to say?)
Having written the first three I have come to realize that many of you might be thinking that this sounds mean...well sometimes the truth hurts. No really the things that I have mentioned above are ongoing jokes that Brandi and I share they are not meant to be mean spirited rather as some of you may have come to realize as you have read my previous glogs...sarcastic.
My wife is a wonderful person full of grace and joy. Brandi is a fantastic wife and mother, a great friend and a terrific help mate. I married way, way up even though she is 5'2" and I am 6'5".
I wanted to share some additional thoughts with you that I have been pondering since my last glog:
1. When am I going to start my own personal glog? The answer is very soon. I would like to take this opportunity to request that you my faithful gloggies submit your ideas for a title to my glog. Please post the potential monikers as comments. I am eager to get started but I need your input. I am likely to disregard all of the suggestions but perhaps you might make the cut.
2. In addition to title suggestions I want to hear from you, give me some topics that you would like me to inform you on. Please understand that I am willing to research and sling ink on virtually all topics but let me warn you in advance of a few that I refuse to tackle:
-Inhumane treatment of iguanas in Ecuador
-Mononucleosis
-The effect of disinfectant on strands of Influenza A virus subtype H5N1
-Campaign finance reform
-Chicken and Dumplings
Thank you for your faithful readership keep checking back and soon and very soon there will be a glog site
And so as always, in conclusion a preface:
There is nothing worth doing that doesn't require some forethought...
Most likely,
Greg

16 comments:

Missy said...

You need to ask Spleen to help you with the new glog title, he's pretty good at that sort of thing. Check him out at crookedspleen.blogspot.com.

I love the banter between the two of you that is tempered with true love and admiration. You're a great pair.

Missy

Cassie - Homeschooling Four said...

Once again, you made me laugh. Now, as far as the glog title, I would write what I think it should be called but I'm sure that would be considered "inappropriate" content :) As far as topics, I really would like to hear what you have to say on the issue of Chicken and Dumplings. I am very sad to see that this is on your lists of "not". It has been plaguing me!!

Patrick Berryman said...

Too funny. I had my wisdom teeth out in two stages. Stage one at 19, stage two at 41. The 22 year gap was because stage one was so traumatic. For some reason I chose to have the first set of partially impacted teeth removed with only a local anaesthetic. Big mistake. I can't remember what I had for breakfast on Saturday, but I can still hear, see, taste, feel, and even smell what I went through when my initial teeth were extracted.

Stage two I was put under, babbling like an idiot after the procedure, but much less traumatized. My wife and daughters took good care of me, aside from taking a video of me drinking a milk shake and having it run down my novocaine numbed chin.

Hope you recover quickly and relatively painlessly.

Anonymous said...

I am dying to hear your stance on Chicken and Dumplings.

Feel better!

Lots of laughs from me!
Betsy

From Five to Eight said...

Doesn't everyone have a tooth story? I had mine out too...at 30something. I remember waking up to the dentist saying "can you feel this?" Found out a nerve was cut..which led to no feeling on my lip or chin. After a nerve graft (from foot to chin...I kid you not. My husband says I have officially put my foot in my mouth!) I have some feeling back.
Warning: Don't wait! Get them out whether you need to or not when you're a teenager! :)
Teresa

Alward Family said...

The comment about ordering dinner with the phone is priceless!

Chris

Karin said...

You have completely made it clear to me: my husband is not allowed on my blog!!! :)
This was great! sarcasm and humor is what gets us thru~ I can see you have a pretty good dose of both.
I can't cook either...My skills have deteriorated over the years(didn't realize that was possible!)... But take out's so much more enjoyable and less dishes to clean up! So, there's the bright side to that!

Karin

Anonymous said...

You have again made our night. You are so funny! I read the glog to Steve and he got a real kick out of it too.

I'm not sure what you should title your new glog, but I would like to hear your thoughts on Photosynthesis. It's such a fascinating subject and I am sure you would be able to give it such an apt definition and description.

Sincerely,

Dianna Mason

Jamie said...

Can you please glog on polyatomic ions? They've always been a fascination of mine and I'd love to know your view on them! Brandi must have a blast with you...even without the drugs you're a hoot!

Donna Barber said...

I agree Greg- that is why I dont like taking my kids to the eye doctor. Funny how all the sudden they ALL need glasses but JUST for reading. It is a conspiracy I tell you!!!

Keep it simple I say. Just call it the Glog King to go with your GLog ego. haha!
First topic of the day- paper clips- I bet you could write a funny write up about that AND make it controversial.

Scott said...

Greg,
First of all, kudo's to your honesty, but a deduction for having to be on painkillers to say those horrible things about your wife.
If you weren't Baptist I would suggest drinking a glass of wine with those painkillers to kind of take the edge off.
As for the title of your glog, that is going to have to be something that hits you with true inspiration, another reason to drink a glass of wine with your darvicet.
I'm not sure that you need a glog, I kind of like the guerilla glogging that you do on Brandi's blog.
You inspired me to blog, I'm not sure if I am worthy of slogging, although I know I have been given the rights to do so.
If you continue to have pain and they have quit giving you the prescription meds, I have a connection "Jorge" who can hook u up with some online scripts.....

Anonymous said...

Another prize winner. Yes, I too am looking forward to your very own blog. Oh, my favorite part was when you had to clarify that it was really your mother, and not Brandi, who was being referred to as mommy. Priceless....

-Melodie

Danielle said...

You need to glog more often:) This was great!

Hope you are feeling better.

Brandi,
Sorry about all of the Acres stuff. It's hard to find out that things you support aren't what they seem. Can't wait to hear more about your new projects:)

Danielle

DeniseinSC said...

How about GlogginwithGman! or, ComeGlogw/me, or GoodGlog! Hail to the chief...Denise

the albertsons said...

Um, Brandi. I'm peeing in my pants laughing so hard. Seriously... I'm having the worst adoption waiting day ever and I'm trying to distract myself and this is the BEST thing I've read in a long, long time. TOTALLY HILARIOUS!!!!!
becca ;)

annNEE said...

Perhaps ALL of your posts could be
Darvaset induced (do you have auto-refill set up on that prescription?) and your glog name could be, "Drugged, Dazed, and Delirious".

Some other suggestions inspired by best sellers...

"The Greg Driven Life."
"Your Best Greg Now."
"Mere Gregianity."

Also, I only met you on one occasion, so how about your first post be more of an informative introduction, chocked full of Greg trivia, and even maybe a list of your personal favs to give your fan base a better idea of who the real Greg is?