Monday, September 1, 2008

Holidays are for Gloggers!!!

**sidenote: this is not a blog by Brandi. It's a Glog by Greg. If you haven't read a glog before, click HERE for a link to all of the past glogs. enjoy =)

Happy Labor Day Gloggies... I hope that today has been restful, wonderful and blessed time with loved ones.
I am back and I know that many of you have been demanding (almost daily) that I enlighten you in the manner in which you have become accustom, and I know that It has been a long time since I have blessed you with one of my incredible and thought provoking glogs so here goes.
First off there is a new format to manage the expectations of you Glogheads...after much discussion and many rewrites to the master plan (please see sub section: Increase Brandi's readership in your glog handbooks), I have decided, in conjunction with my board to make holidays the days that I will wax eloquent. So plan on it!!! Mark your calenders now, if your holiday plans include travel... plan ahead. Make sure you have internet access, or else you will regret it. I promise you that since I am planning ahead they are going to be good. Please note that an official list of holidays is currently unavailable as we (the board) are trying to determine if we will include only Judeo-Christian holidays (including Chanumas) or if we want to reach out to our muslim brothers and include their holidays as well,. For you readers in the great white north please note that Canadian boxing day is in the running as well.
I have so many things that have been running through my head...so many things that I know you would love to hear about which makes it difficult to know where to begin. First off lets start with the Yankees. I am very disheartened, they look lousy!!!! That is really all I have to say about that. I am not sure that I can continue without crying...DON'T JUDGE ME!!!
For all of you Dumptruck fans out there, I have to tell you that he is walking a thin line, Brandi has just about had it with him. I don't want to rat him out or anything but he did back up and poop on her leg today. Brandi doesn't know it but I taught him that trick. It was beautiful!!! But anyway she is really ticked at him. For those of you who love Dumptruck now is the time to let your voice's be heard. Brandi has threatened to get rid of the dog. I am not sure how we would live without him. I have become so accustomed to his snoring, I think of it as a nasaled lullaby, and how will we live without his flatulence. Lets just say it has gotten worse, I think the closest comparison would be hot garbage. But I digress, if you love Dumptruck and want to continue to hear updates on him you need to let Brandi know...shout it from the rooftops. Gloggies for Dumptruck!!!
I am currently working on a book called "Where do You Get Off?' Please note that unlike my glogs this book will not be politically correct. I am addressing all of the questions that I want to ask our political leaders, the uniformed masses, and people who feel the need to share their opinions via anonymous comments. Some of the topics currently being drafted include: The State of Florida's law prohibiting smoking in any establishment that serves food. I think this is probably the most unconstitutional piece of legislation ever written. Before you jump down my throat hear me out. I hate smoke while I eat. I think that it is probably the most nauseating combination out there, that is why I choose not to eat in establishments that allow smoking. But allow me to argue the other side, as a small business owner I take great issue with the fact that our government has imposed it's controls on other small businesses. Why should the restaurant owner be prohibited from allowing smoking in his (or her) establishment on his (or her) private property. I hear you, it's gross, I don't want to smell it while I eat, it causes cancer...you are 100% right, but it is the decision of the owner not the government. If you don't like it take your business else where.
I told you it wasn't going to be politically correct...as always if I have offended you please address your concerns to the Office of the Ombudsmen, 1900 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington D.C.
Other topics currently being outlined include: Where do "Pacifists" get off bringing weapons to anti-war protests?, Where to crowds get off doing the wave at sporting events (people are sheep and will follow anyone), and Where do I get off assuming you want to read this.
I would love to hear any thoughts you would like me include in my book. Please phrase your answers in the form of a question... Where do you get off--
Side note while I write this Dumptruck has just blessed us with a treat (it is very bad).
I want to put in a plug for the iPhone. Please note that I have coveted Brandi's iPhone for quite some time now, but I held out for version 2 and it was worth the wait. I am addicted and can often be found reading email, scanning foxnews, or playing solitaire all while sitting in the bathroom, or while "supervising the children." Please note that I am not allowed to refer to it as babysitting. As I have been told I don't babysit my own children I watch them and play with them, sounds like babysitting to me.
So as always in conclusion a preface. . .74% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Most Likely,
Greg

18 comments:

Cassie - Homeschooling Four said...

Brandi,

I am so backing you up on that dog!! Get rid of him! He stinks, he slobbers and, did I mention, he stinks?

Where do old, fat people get off wearing thongs?

julie said...

dear mister glogger,
can my birthday be a holiday? and where do people get off thinking that they are so special they think they should have a bday glog? love the idea for the book, only us smart alecs can truly appreciate the worth of a book like that. i get a free copy, right? good to see you are still around.....not you Greg, the dog!
Julie

Andrew said...

Boxing day is THE most important day of the year, Capt. Gloggsalot, and I humbly submit (on behalf of all my Canuck brethren) that it should be at the top of the holiday list.
(I hate boxing day, but we all need another Glog in our diet. :)

Christine said...

Cool idea for a book! I so want to write a book but can't imagine it ever being published.

Rusty & Jamie Laird said...

I was told long ago that watching my kids was not babysitting, it was called "parenting".

As far as the "Where do you get off?" book, I could give you a couple chapters worth from my contracting experience. In fact I could do one chapter just on handicap accessibility. Did you know we have to install a handicap accessible route from the office to the garbage dumpster? Seems mean making the handicap person take the garbage out. And we have to install urinals at a wheelchair accessible height. huh? Our plumber always said that any guy in a wheelchair that can use a urinal he doesn't want dating his daughter.

You said it wasn't going to be politically correct right?

Anonymous said...

Bye bye Dumptruck. Where do husbands get off thinking they can use their wife's blog to boost their ego? he, he. You should do something more useful with your time, like babysit your kids.

Dearest Jessica said...

Sorry, I never have bonded with that Dog, what's his name. Oh yeah, I actually can't believe you all expected a dog named "dump truck" to not have issues with "dumping".

Sorry dogs are like children to me and if you can just ship out the dog, I feel sorry for your children's future. Bringing a life into this world is a big decision.

Donna Barber said...

Here is a BIG vote for Brandi- ditch the dog! Put him to sleep(in any manner befitting) Sorry dog lovers but he is an animal not a person. How disgusting! :0)

And here is some useless facts to add to your list:
1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton.
2. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the varieties of pickle the company once had.
3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks -otherwise it will digest itself.
4. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
5. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
6. Every person has a unique tongue print.
7. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
10. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
11. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
12. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
14. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing
the shark to explode.
15. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
16. American Airlines saved $40,000 in '87 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
17. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

And last but not least here is a challenge for Greg-

There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple, and silver. What about "month?"

I have more useless facts if you need them. :0)

Paul said...

The Yankees suck

Paul Durand

Donna Barber said...

We hear that the Glog King gives out free candy? All hail King Glogger... Greg! signed,

Elijah
Isaiah
Gracie
Rejinna
Josiah Barber

Melissa said...

How about "where do you get off letting your dog poop on your woman?" or "Where do I get off thinking it's hilarious?!"

Well, in hind sight it's not, well.. a little.. but still gross... but still funny.....AWWHHH! Now, I'll have a whole new mental image every time I hear someone reference that song where the dude says "back that thang up" lol

Brandi, am I allowed back again....? :)

Anonymous said...

I think Jessica is right, he is only living up to his name!! Holidays will have a whole new meaning for me now! Nice to hear from the Big Glogger....NOT! :)

Christie

Anonymous said...

In defense of my actions.... Yes I did drop one on the bossladies foot, but like all stories, there are two sides....have you ever smelled how bad her feet stink after one of her runs? I was trying to cover up the odor with something not quite as offensive.
As for my flatulence, do you know how many times I get blamed for it when it is usually the big guy? and I know that some of yall have little pups from africa....I don't have to tell you what that load can smell like. So in my own defense, the smells are usually one of my peeps, not mine.
As for my snoring? maybe you should listen to the big guy and boss lady when they are flopped out on the couch, I mean drooling lip smacking, mumbling the whole thing, it makes a dog want to howl sometimes.
I vote you ask the big guy and the bosslady to get me an air conditioned dog house and I'll gladly stay in it and keep away from all of their pups and their stinks

any body wanna put in a good word for me?


Dumptruck

annNEE said...

LONG LIVE DUMPTRUCK!!!

Sorry, Brandi, I have my reasons, (the main reason being the thought of him backing up and pooping on your leg has me nearly falling from my computer desk in laughter)

DeniseinSC said...

Yea, you're back, life is good, and sarah palin has good hair.

Where does Lindsay Graham get off making south carolina citizens look bad by saying (in his gross speech at the GOP) "all" for the word,"oil." What the heck is "all?" "The 'all' fields" what are the "all" fields. Love, Denise
a registered GOPer and a fan of Sarah's hair.

DeniseinSC said...

Also, you should write a book on adoption from Dumptruck's perspective! You could have a whole series of books from "The Diaries of Dumptruck."

Denise.... I like dogs...even smelly ones.

DeniseinSC said...

Also, you should write a book on adoption from Dumptruck's perspective! You could have a whole series of books from "The Diaries of Dumptruck."

Denise.... I like dogs...even smelly ones.

Cory said...

I know you're out of the country and all, but really, Columbus Day has come and gone!?! Not to mention Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashannah, Etc...