Being In Love

I know I've been a bad blogger lately. I'm sorry! My sweet friend, Jackie Sue, approached me on Sunday and told me she missed my blogs that were about my heart. For me, it's hard to blog when you can't blog EVERYTHING. There are some major changes coming in my life, but I'm not released to blog about them YET! grrrr. But, that shouldn't stop me from sharing with you and journaling for myself the things that He is speaking to my heart. So... here ya go...

I wrote a few weeks ago about the song "How He Loves" by David Crowder. I told you how much I love it right now, but that is a gross understatement. God has used THIS song in my life in an extremely powerful way to open me up to new aspects of His character.

For a few days I was just LOVING this song...but it didn't seem to mesh with what I was learning in other areas. I've told you guys how I hate to learn a bunch of things at the same time and how I'm always asking the Lord to connect the dots. You see, on one hand I was falling in love with this crazy good song about How Much He Loves me and on the other hand I was learning HARD lessons about waiting on Him. We had a bunch of decisions to make and I was feeling completely at a loss. (most of these decisions have been made now :-) I felt like I was drowning, not knowing what God had planned for my life. I had no clue what the future held and was living each day feeling overwhelmed and with nothing to hold on to.

One night, after a long run, I got in the shower and blared this song. I began to ask the Lord, "why do I love this song so much? What are you trying to teach me here?" He was so sweet to me that night in my little prayer closet that I call a hot shower :-) He whispered ever so softly, "listen, sweet girl" and the words of the song came on "my afflictions are eclipsed by Your Glory". and it was true. Whenever I listened to this song and focused on His Glory, the troubles of the day seemed to fade away. I would spend a day feeling on the verge of tears at all times, wondering what my future held and then put this song on...within minutes I would literally be twirling around my house with my arms flung open just reveling in His love and mercy. I felt the Lord speak to my heart, "this is what I am teaching you. Come to me. Be filled with my love. When you know me more as your good Daddy, the rest won't matter. Focus on who I am and how much I love you. Then, you'll be able to trust my plan and even my timing. " He reminded me to think of my Dad, who was and is an awesome Daddy. I would never think that he would plan things for my destruction. I trust him. I also assume that my children will trust me. Nothing frustrates me more than when we are at the pool and Brayden asks "what's next?". I want him to just rest in what I have planned for him that day. The Lord convicted me very gently that I had been doing the same thing. I fell to my knees in that shower confessing that I was being impatient and wanting every detail for the future instead of resting in Him. I asked Him to help me trust Him more...to each day see His love for me and allow that to eclipse everything. I wanted to live each day where He had me while at the same time excited about whatever He had in store for my future.

Now, a few weeks later.....I'm not sure I have it figured out. But, through it all, I'm falling in love. Seriously...like head over heels, madly, deeply, passionately in love. I want my thoughts to be consumed by Him. I am realizing for the first time truly how much He loves me. Not for what I DO for Him but just because He loves me. One of the lines in the song is "For we are His Portion and He is our prize.' Wow....I thought about the word portion. Enough. The perfect portion...I thought of it terms of a meal...my portion. I can't even fathom that I am His portion. He loves me that much and is filled up with me. oh that makes me want to twirl even now writing it and listening to the song at the same time. He is my prize...my treasure. I am in love and want to keep falling more and more each day. He's bringing me to deeper reaches with Him in my journey and I'm loving it.

Don't get me wrong, it's still hard. He's teaching me tough lessons that I am wrestling with Him through....but it's ok. why? because my afflictions are eclipsed by His glory. He loves me and I love Him. We can get through anything hand in hand.