Sunday, December 9, 2007

Rules of Glogging

What can I say, the response has been overwhelming. Everything from the demand for glog t-shirts to Brandi stepping down as host of this blog. My intent never has been nor will it ever be to overthrow the current regime in some fourteenth century style coup de tat. Rather I am here to make love not war, so in response to those who would like me to post more frequently... here is what I can promise you, patience is a virtue and distance makes the heart grow fonder. Hang in there, check back at least hourly and if you are truly lucky there may be a glog waiting for you.
For today I wanted to further explain the art form that is glogging. There are some basic rules (179 to be exact) that need to be adhered to if you would like to join the ranks of the gloggers. I will expound upon those that are the most crucial and for a complete list of rules and contracts in triplicate please send three easy payments of $19.99 to me at Glog Master Orlando, FL (much like the IRS all you need to say is Glog Master and it will get there).
#34. All glog petioners must submit postings for review to a panel of licensed glog members for a period of thirteen years.
#45. The glog board is made up of those whom I deem to be appropriate to hold me accountable for the quality, sincerity and fiscal responsibility of all posts (current members include Jane my housekeeper, Joe my lawn guy, Sajesh the convienent store clerk, Warren my drycleaner, my international advisor Gregory C. and Jon my best friend). The board members have been specifically chosen for their skills and understanding of all things related to glogging. Believe you me, if they weren't the right people for the job they wouldn't be on my board.
#18. Sarcasm is not appropriate. Any use of this form of "humor" is expressely forbidden and will result in you being excumincated from the ranks of glogging and will result in a $100,018 fine and life in prision.
#78. All glogs must contain a list of some sort, without said list the glog will not qualify for review and the $63 submission fee will not be refunded.
#67. Glogging Inc. is a currently listed as a not for profit organization under section 501 C-3 of the Internal Revenue System code. However, the financial records of this organization are kept on my Commador 864 computer and therefore are only accessible to myself and my board. If you would like a copy of the company financials please feel free to request this writing to Office of the Comptroler 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington DC . Please include a check made payable to the organization for $109.68 (the toner cartridges for my dot matrix printer are expensive and difficult to find).
#123. Every other glog must contain a picture of a animal doing something funny. ie. A monkey drinking an orange soda.
#2. It better be funny.
#68. Do not avoid the tough subjects, don't be afraid to be controversial. People appreciate your candor and will respect you for your honesty.
#179. Don't try to take over my glog or I will hunt you down.
Glogs are a wonderful tool and can bring joy and light into a dreary and dull world. Remember if you take yourself too seriously you are likely to develop and ulcer and die.

Thanks for your time and check back soon (at least hourly).
Most Likely,


Anonymous said...

Gregg please ask Brandi to call me.....

Donna Barber said...

Application please! I assume all anonymous applicants will be excluded?!
Brandi- new name for your blog should now be greg's home, greg's future to glogging, and I am hoping for my own blog?

Blu and Darbi said...

LOL loved Donna's new title for your blog :)

Anonymous said...

1. I would like an application, por favor?
b. Can I wait to pay my application fee until my husband returns from the dark continent? He has all my cash.
III. Animals? Domestics, Ambien induced, or international?
.04 do we have to keep our hair color the same as our application photo?

where can I get a fanta?

how about a radio show? a book deal? do you have a p.r. person?

are you a non profit?

Glogging for glory, Denise

Cassie - Homeschooling Four said...

You didn't mention anything about requiring the lists to be completely random order and to interchange numbers, letters. That is my favorite part.

Christina said...

a) Ha, Ha!
II. Glogging rocks!
D. Miss you guys!
3. Have a great day!

Tessa said...

"donna barber" has a point on the new blog name...haha. (:
i love it, greg. you've added a twist to the blogger world. i thank you, good man.

and congratulations on davis. he is amazingly adorable.

Jocelyn said...

Oh My God! I love you Greg! I actually almost peed myself while reading this! Brandi you have a good one hang on to him!