I'm kind of in a funk tonight. . .I haven't really known what to blog about this week. I have been dealing with some stuff in my heart and life that I don't really have answers on yet. . .still searching and still asking the Lord to reveal to me. . .nothing huge, just dealing with being different in ways. One of the things affecting me is that my heart is now torn. I have had a passion for Africa for a long time, but this is different. It is on my heart all the time. I feel so torn. . .like I know God is calling us to be involved there and I don't know how so I feel like I can't stop my heart but need to keep having God direct us. . .at the same time, I feel not as "present" here and that doesn't feel right. I know we are never supposed to feel at home here but I don't know if this is the same concept?
I also have lots of Liberian thoughts running wild in my mind, but each seem to deserve a post in and of themselves. Coming soon for your thoughts: Liberian Literacy and It's Effect on The Church . . .and. . .Paying a Fair Wage in a 3rd World Country?. . .
PS I got my book yesterday! Let's start reading "Red Letters" this weekend! I'll post about what I'm learning or thinking next week!
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7 comments:
Well, if you can't keep up with your thoughts, I'm sure I can't. You can multi-task so well that if you have thoughts "running wild", that must be scary.
Brandi,
Jonah and I have been feeling the same way about Africa for 3 years now and yet God just hasn't pointed the way yet. I know what that frustration is like!
Blessings...
I think your on the right track and you should cut yourself some slack. You are AWARE and you are WILLING. God will use this, this is where the saying "patience is a virtue" comes in....
Brandi, I think this is one of the things I was trying to hit on in my blog post yesterday. I tend to want to try to get ahead of God and make plans that although good and God honoring may not be of Him. I totally agree with "loving my life" that this is where patience comes in. You have already shown God how willing and ready you are to serve Him wherever, whatever, but just focus on what he's called you to do this moment which is take care of your 3 little blessings and your 1 slightly bigger blessing. Many times I have sought out something much grander because I feared I wasn't doing enough for God. I have learned that being a godly wife and mother has huge kingdom significance.
I believe that God has something planned for you, but you may have to wait a bit for him to reveal it to you. You're looking and waiting anxiously for it...so don't be afraid that you will miss it.
Right now you are doing so much to make others aware and you're learning and growing so much. This interm time isn't being wasted. Don't miss the value in it.
I know that was more of a comment than you bargained for and I hope it was taken the way that it was intended....in love, from a friend who's been where you are now and who will probably be there again.
Love you,
Mis
I just scrolled down to see if my comment posted and I feel like the girl who jr high or high school who signed a whole page in your yearbook. I've been a little wordy lately, haven't I?
i really relate to this post, brandi.
julie
I'm praying for you, Brandi!
It has been strange for Corey and me... both times we have traveled to impoverished areas, we have received confirmation that we are serving right where we're meant to be. Not in a "I couldn't do it" sort of way, just a "I'm not meant to do it right now" way... so I'm feeling for you, not because I know what it's like, but because I imagine it would be really tough!
I support foreign missions 100%, but maybe while you're "stuck" here in America it might help to think about the fact that there are more missionaries coming here to evangelize us than we are sending out?! I can't remember the exact statistics (we read through a lot of them when we were church planters), but I think the county I live in is one of the least churched in the nation... something like 1% of people attending church... Maybe thinking on the spiritual void right around you could help you to be more "present" while you're waiting on what God has for you in Africa?
I sure hope this doesn't sound "lectury". I don't mean it that way at all! I guess I just wanted to live up to your assessment of me as being super wordy... touche'!!! ;0)
Love,
Jamie :0)
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