Wednesday, April 23, 2008

MOTHERHOOD. . A JOURNEY OF LEARNING

MamaBlogga is sponsoring a group writing project this month (well, until May 11) on Mothering. She challenged us to write the good, what we love, what we do, what our mom's did, anything that's on our mind. *note: my post is more about the "job" of mothering and how hard it can be. .and the ramifications of that. PLEASE know that I consider it a joy. I love my kids more than anything and they delight me each day. . .however, they also sometimes drive me crazy! I meank come on they are 2, 2 1/2 and 3 1/2!!!

First of all, the truth. Today, I don't feel like I "have what it takes" to mother my kids on this particular day. This week has been VERY hard behaviorally with all 3 (if you aren't a regular reader and have just come from MamaBlogga's site. . I have 3 kids. 2 two year olds and a 3 year old. . my middle 2 year old was just brought home 4 months ago from Liberia, West Africa. . .I am a stay at home mom, but also have a volunteer position at the church that entails approx. 15 hours a week and am in the process of starting 4 campaigs to raise money for different African projects). . .now, I KNOW that I am called to all of these roles at this time. However, that means that I don't (or shouldn't if managing my day properly) have a lot of down time. Here's my problem, I'm lazy! I'd much rather take a nap while the kids are (I was on heavy pain meds after a root canal that caused an infection. .which made the naps necessary, but they are still calling my name)! So this is where I'm at today. . .I'm EXHAUSTED! I have restless leg syndrom (where b/c my legs were tight from exercising, they twitched and made my whole body skirm all night long) and 2 of my kids were up 2 times each. . then, all the kids woke up at 6:30! aagh! On top of that, I have my biggest event of this season. . .a Family Luau event at church on Friday night that I'm in charge of and we're expecting 2-3,000 people! agh!

So, back to my current state of mind. . .I told Greg this morning that "I just don't have it in me today". . the truth is, I don't have a choice. No option to just ditch work and go to borders and read (or the beach, which I would really prefer!). Gary Thomas wrote a bunch of books.. .the best one I've read is "Sacred Marriage: what if God designed marriage more to make us HOLY than Happy". Did that just smack you in the gut? Yep. . what if, God designed mothering more to make my HOLY than to make me Happy? Here is the joy in parenting. . . .if I allow God to do what He wants in me through this time, I will be changed. The truth is, "I DON"T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES"! But, HE DOES! Oh praise Jesus that He would meet me here.

This reminds me of our study on Friday morning. We talked about the Samaritian woman at the well. The truth is, Jesus MET HER THERE and loved her. He reached out to offer living water, but conversed with her in the process to help her walk the journey. She felt so full after a time with Him that she ( a woman of ill reputation who had gone to the well at a time of day where other's wouldn't be there. . most likely to not have to have contact with the other village women) SHE ran into town and told all the people, "I've met the messiah and He told me all that I'd done". He changed her in the MIDST of her circumstances and she left her shame at the well to shout his praises. ***note: there is SO much more to be said of this story and asking ourselves who are the people in our world/life that are "outcasts" and how can we meet them! The deal is, life with 3 toddlers, a volunteer position at church and these campaigns to get off the ground. . as well as being a wife, daughter, sister, friend,etc. . can make me FEEL overwhelmed and unequipped. . .However, I have learned (or am learning!) that my feelings are not the boss of me. I do NOT have to act on my feelings. Instead, I need to let them reveal to me that I'm not trusting Him, I'm not using the resources He's provided for me. . .I'm trying to do it on my own. This is the beauty of mothering. . it's too big of a task for me to do alone. It is a tangible thing that NEVER goes away in my life that points me to JESUS and my absolute need for Him!

Thanks to Brayden, Gracie and Davis for causing me to turn to Jesus. I pray that in my parenting, I allow the Lord the opportunity to make me Holy and not just seek happiness on the journey!

ps: if you want to join in on a mothering post of your own, click here to get started!

13 comments:

rrt said...

Brandi...i just love reading your blog!!I love your vulnerability! Thanx for sharing your thoughts, and know thatyou are not alone! Especially after Ezeekai and Fahnta came home, i really felt like i didn't have it. I wouldn't have been able to handle those first few weeks w/o God!
randie

Anonymous said...

What a geat post on mothering-I love how in all your posts you praise God for who He is and what He is doing in you! I read a comment somewhere once about our kids being God's perfect fit for us in our process of santification-some days that is easier to eal with than others!!:)
JulieL

annNEE said...

Thanks so much for the sincere post. It really helps me have a healthier perspective right now. I definitely know what it's like to want to choose the laying down and watching a movie or reading a book in the sun options rather than do the work I need to do. It is so much harder when we are low on sleep and in pain.

I hope you'll have many many many moments of fun and joy with the kids today. I love you!

Jordan (MamaBlogga) said...

Thank you so much for participating!! (I was beginning to get worried for a minute there before I saw you'd signed up!)

Nobody appreciates how hard motherhood is more than another mother. Okay, well, and Jesus. I can't tell you how many times I've looked at my husband before he left the house and told him that I just couldn't do it today. There have been SO MANY DAYS that I've begun by BEGGING my Heavenly Father to strengthen me. It wasn't me that got me out of bed those days.

I've really been feeling this way a lot lately, honestly. I kind of blame the pregnancy hormones, of course, but I'm getting more and more afraid of having another child because I feel like I'm so overwhelmed by just one. (Though I must be crazy, since I still plan on having four...)

Y'know, there are so many days that I don't think I can do it, but I still do it because, like you said, I don't have a choice. But thinking back on it, I do have a choice. I can try to do it all by myself, all under my own power, OR I can turn to Him and rely on His power and His help, because I know that motherhood is what He wants me to do and He will strengthen me in my efforts.

And even if I still fall short, He has paid the price, and if I continually bring my weakness to Him, continually go out to that well of Living Water, I know that he can make me--and probably more importantly, my children--into the person (people) He wants me (us) to be.

Thank you again for participating. May God smile upon you and your efforts!

steffany said...

Brandi-
When are you going to write a book?

All my love,
Steffany

jaz said...

Brandi,
"I do NOT have to act on my feelings. Instead, I need to let them reveal to me that I'm not trusting Him..." VERY well said!! Sacred Marriage is one of my fav books as well! Man, we're on a roll with the commonalities! ;0) The author is (or maybe was) a professor at a Bible College about an hour from my house... Did you know he has also written Sacred Parenting? We have it, but I haven't read it yet...
Love ya,
Jamie :0)

Kelly said...

I love that book and never even thought to apply it to other areas of my life. I'm so dense sometimes! Thanks for being vulernable and sharing from your heart. It really challenges me!

amber said...

Oh.... what a great post! You are so right on about parenting being such good training ground for us as moms. I feel like I am in the sanctification fire daily these days! :) But what an awesome way to become more Christ-like... with such amazing kids.

I need to get the book you're going through with your study group. My parents read it a little while ago and I have been meaning to get my hands on a copy ever since. Now it's a priority! :)

Love ya.
Amber

Scott said...

Oh sweet Bran, your so cute...
motherhood is full of challenges
and everyday is something different.
Your amazing doing all you do.
Your heart is so ready and able to help so many....I love ya girl and I can't wait to meet you in 2 weeks..

You know what gets me through the day don't you?? Taylor you need a 15 year old......

love Rob

Christine said...

What an honest and touching post. Thanks.

Missy said...

Great transparent, honest thoughts about motherhood. Many days, I wonder where the "joy" is....but just like we choose to show love and compassion we must choose what kind of attitude we are going to have whether it's towards out hubby, our kids, our neighbors, the people we are in ministry with....

Thanks a bunch. If I get inspired, I'll do a post too, but I'm not feeling it these days.

Love you,
Missy

Anonymous said...

Call me!!!

Love,
Charity

Wendi said...

Hi Brandi,
I found your blog, or should I say 'blogs' through a comment you left on http://jaminstinziano.blogspot.com/about the book Red Letters by Tom Davis, and his blog by "accident" through a random google search. I loved reading blurbs from each of your blogs to see what all you're up to with Africa. I don't know if you ever got around to reading Tom's book, but I just wanted to let you know that we have partnered with Tom Davis and Children's Hopechest (an amazing organization, though not yet in Liberia) to launch the Red Letters Campaign. It's a great place for people like yourself and your readers to connect with like-minded individuals in ending senseless poverty. We would love to have your input and insight into our site if you have time to check it out www.redletterscampaign.com
Thanks,
Wendi Henry
Co-Founder