MOTHERHOOD. . A JOURNEY OF LEARNING

MamaBlogga is sponsoring a group writing project this month (well, until May 11) on Mothering. She challenged us to write the good, what we love, what we do, what our mom's did, anything that's on our mind. *note: my post is more about the "job" of mothering and how hard it can be. .and the ramifications of that. PLEASE know that I consider it a joy. I love my kids more than anything and they delight me each day. . .however, they also sometimes drive me crazy! I meank come on they are 2, 2 1/2 and 3 1/2!!!

First of all, the truth. Today, I don't feel like I "have what it takes" to mother my kids on this particular day. This week has been VERY hard behaviorally with all 3 (if you aren't a regular reader and have just come from MamaBlogga's site. . I have 3 kids. 2 two year olds and a 3 year old. . my middle 2 year old was just brought home 4 months ago from Liberia, West Africa. . .I am a stay at home mom, but also have a volunteer position at the church that entails approx. 15 hours a week and am in the process of starting 4 campaigs to raise money for different African projects). . .now, I KNOW that I am called to all of these roles at this time. However, that means that I don't (or shouldn't if managing my day properly) have a lot of down time. Here's my problem, I'm lazy! I'd much rather take a nap while the kids are (I was on heavy pain meds after a root canal that caused an infection. .which made the naps necessary, but they are still calling my name)! So this is where I'm at today. . .I'm EXHAUSTED! I have restless leg syndrom (where b/c my legs were tight from exercising, they twitched and made my whole body skirm all night long) and 2 of my kids were up 2 times each. . then, all the kids woke up at 6:30! aagh! On top of that, I have my biggest event of this season. . .a Family Luau event at church on Friday night that I'm in charge of and we're expecting 2-3,000 people! agh!

So, back to my current state of mind. . .I told Greg this morning that "I just don't have it in me today". . the truth is, I don't have a choice. No option to just ditch work and go to borders and read (or the beach, which I would really prefer!). Gary Thomas wrote a bunch of books.. .the best one I've read is "Sacred Marriage: what if God designed marriage more to make us HOLY than Happy". Did that just smack you in the gut? Yep. . what if, God designed mothering more to make my HOLY than to make me Happy? Here is the joy in parenting. . . .if I allow God to do what He wants in me through this time, I will be changed. The truth is, "I DON"T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES"! But, HE DOES! Oh praise Jesus that He would meet me here.

This reminds me of our study on Friday morning. We talked about the Samaritian woman at the well. The truth is, Jesus MET HER THERE and loved her. He reached out to offer living water, but conversed with her in the process to help her walk the journey. She felt so full after a time with Him that she ( a woman of ill reputation who had gone to the well at a time of day where other's wouldn't be there. . most likely to not have to have contact with the other village women) SHE ran into town and told all the people, "I've met the messiah and He told me all that I'd done". He changed her in the MIDST of her circumstances and she left her shame at the well to shout his praises. ***note: there is SO much more to be said of this story and asking ourselves who are the people in our world/life that are "outcasts" and how can we meet them! The deal is, life with 3 toddlers, a volunteer position at church and these campaigns to get off the ground. . as well as being a wife, daughter, sister, friend,etc. . can make me FEEL overwhelmed and unequipped. . .However, I have learned (or am learning!) that my feelings are not the boss of me. I do NOT have to act on my feelings. Instead, I need to let them reveal to me that I'm not trusting Him, I'm not using the resources He's provided for me. . .I'm trying to do it on my own. This is the beauty of mothering. . it's too big of a task for me to do alone. It is a tangible thing that NEVER goes away in my life that points me to JESUS and my absolute need for Him!

Thanks to Brayden, Gracie and Davis for causing me to turn to Jesus. I pray that in my parenting, I allow the Lord the opportunity to make me Holy and not just seek happiness on the journey!

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