The thin line between faith and doubt

Yesterday was a tough day....truly, a deep and dark day. We wrestled. We battled. We approached the throne feeling battle worn, bloodied and bruised. And in as far as we can see - this battle was lost. We prayed for the rescue of 2 specific girls (ages 14-15) from a brothel and begging for the 6 others we knew of....and yet, there was a tip off. No rescue. I literally laid my head on my desk and wept. I felt the oppression, frustration, enormity of this broken world all over again. I felt hopeless - or maybe felt their hopelessness. I was truthfully mad at God...You say you are the rescuer of the oppressed ----so RESCUE!!!

There is a whole other post in this journey - a raw post about what it has done to me to walk the halls of injustice. It's shaken my faith and brought me to new depths of intimacy. A friend recently said that through the past year - she is at a point of more reckless faith than ever before. More depth of intimacy. More of Jesus plain and simple - and yet - it's also the point of greatest doubt. The greatest test of her faith. I thought it was such an amazing point. Kind of like the thin line between love and hate....the thin line between faith and doubt. So often we are afraid to tread into these dark places b/c the faith of our childhood can't handle it. So, instead of walking with fear, trembling, tears and lots of wrestling - we hide. Because when you walk out far enough - when you tread into places where great, great faith is required it makes you stop and think - is this real? Because there is no safety net here.

In the midst of this dark day - my friend Wendi posted this - I thought it was worth simply reposting for you to read all of it.

my heart is full

…but I’m not sure what it’s full of today…madness, confusion, frustration, anger, skepticism, expectation, hope, faith….

There is so much pain, so much injustice, so much persecution and oppression, not just today, but everyday…and we’re left in a difficult place – the tension between these two worlds: good and evil.

Ecclesiastes 7: 7 Surely oppression drives the wise into madness,
and a bribe corrupts the heart.

I am reminded like it says in Proverbs 13: 23 “The fallow ground of the poor would yield much food, but it is swept away through injustice.”

and we ask you Lord, to intervene – to keep the ground fallow and to produce fruit for your glory – keep injustice at bay.

When I think about verses like 1 Timothy 6:10 “ For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils.” I think, how true that is in the world of trafficking humans – where even children are bought and sold for someone to stuff their pockets with evil gain.

And I read, Proverbs 16: 8 “Better is a little with righteousness
than great revenues with injustice.” God, I want them to know this!!! Show this to those who make money by oppressing others.

I recently attended an SCTNow (Stop Child Trafficking Now) event…

as a side note, I love this organization because their premise is that “until we look for the people doing wrong, we aren’t going to stop this train,” because a victim rescued can be replaced within a few hours….so with their military, law enforcement, CIA, and special ops backgrounds, they hunt down the perpetrators.

…at this event, I learned things like:

• the second largest enterprise in the US next to drugs but quickly approaching equal is human trafficking
• that the US spends more in 1 day on the war against drugs than they do in an entire year of spending to fight trafficking
• that the street value of a woman or child’s life in places like Nicaragua or El Salvador is between $5 and $10 US. And that value increases with each border they cross until they are worth between $8,000 to $10,000 by the time they cross our US border (yeah, “the land of the free, home of the brave” border). these lives are reusable resources that can be sold over and over again.

sheer evil…and I’m left saying what? doing what? When God doesn’t make sense, I have to cling to what I have and know of Him:

Job 5: 15 But he saves the needy from the sword of their mouth and from the hand of the mighty.
16 So the poor have hope,
and injustice shuts her mouth.

Psalm 94: 16 Who rises up for me against the wicked?
Who stands up for me against evildoers?
17 If the Lord had not been my help,
my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.
18 When I thought, “My foot slips,”
your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.
19 When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul.
20 Can wicked rulers be allied with you,
those who frame injustice by statute?
21 They band together against the life of the righteous
and condemn the innocent to death.
22 But the Lord has become my stronghold,
and my God the rock of my refuge.
23 He will bring back on them their iniquity
and wipe them out for their wickedness;
the Lord our God will wipe them out.

And I think, maybe instead of praying for you to feed and save and rescue, I should be asking for your justice to fall on those who are mongering injustice and oppression. Maybe, like David and others in the Bible who cried for you to strike down their enemies, that I need to ask the same. God, I want these evildoers to know you and for you to be glorified in their lives. I want them to know the truth that “better is a little with righteousness…" (Proverbs 16:8) and to act accordingly. But honestly, God, if they will not yield their heart to yours…If they will not acknowledge you and turn, then I pray that you would wipe them out. I claim your promises in verses like theses where they reap calamity, and woes and are found out.

Proverbs 22:8 Whoever sows injustice will reap calamity,
and the rod of his fury will fail.

Jeremiah 22:(the whole chapter is good) 13 “Woe to him who builds his house by unrighteousness,
and his upper rooms by injustice,
who makes his neighbor serve him for nothing
and does not give him his wages,

Proverbs 10: 9 Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,
but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.

And then, I rest in the comfort that You are God and I am not and that it does not depend on me. You are changing me through these pangs and showing your power that YOUR NAME (not mine) will be proclaimed and made great.

Romans 9: 14 What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God's part? By no means! 15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” 16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. 17 For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” 18 So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills.

Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

You are warring in the heavenly places constantly on our behalf. Help me not to get wrapped up in all the things I do not see happening and complain, which I really wanted to do today when two girls were not rescued from their brothel due to a tip-off…grrr…

And thank you for the girl that was rescued even before she could be sold! Your purpose and plan for her is immeasurable. Let her feel and know you today – Abba.

And help me to hold fast to your word of life….

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or questioning, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.