Dangerous Surrender - Chap 1 and 2

First of all. . I DIDN'T KNOW! Let me go back a bit. . .I have seen this book, Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren featured on a number of blogs recently. Even the title sounded great! I was all for it. I went to the book store and bought it and even recommended it to the girls in my small group, just saying, "I bought this book and it sounds amazing. . we should all read it together." I just thought it'd be a great book about surrender and what it means. I knew it was written by Kay Warren, wife of Rick Warren of Saddleback Community Church, but I didn't really know anything about her. I open the book up and guess what it's about? Her journey of God challenging her to jump in and get involved in the HIV / AIDS Crisis starting in Africa! I swear I didn't know this book had anything to do with Africa!! ha ha. . no one will EVER believe me! This is basically what I thought the entire time I read the first chapter!

Let me start by saying, she is a really sweet writer. She uses her own stories in a most vulnerable way. Not just sharing where she has gotten it right, but where she's missed the mark as well. I really appreciate that in an author, especially a well-known figure.

Chapter 2 is entitled, "The Kingdom of ME". . .uh oh. Basically asking the question, "Who do you serve?" This is a real question that's worth investigation. . not just a quick Sunday School answer, "GOD" without another thought. She describes true surrender to our Lord. . a denying of ourselves of the like that is rarely discussed anymore. We talk about all you GET from the Lord but often leave out the die to yourself part. This is the crucial part. How can our arms be free to receive anything from the Lord without first emptying them. Surrender is a dirty and beautiful word. Dirty because it describes death. . death of ourselves, our ambition, our reputation that we hold to so closely, our plans, our rights. But even in the midst of that it is beautiful. Surrender is trust. It is peace in the hardest of circumstances. It is joy in the middle of pain. It is allowing another to be in control and not bearing the burden of it all. The key to surrender is what we believe about HIM. If He is a mean God waiting to strike us down or a careless God who doesn't give a flip or a harried God who is too busy to adequately handle all our stuff. . then HOW can we responsibly surrender? It would be a BAD decision! However. . .that's not the kind of God we serve. We often forget this as we elevate ourselves to God's position of authority. Don't worry, God. . I've got this one. Oh how we forget who HE is and who we are not. He is good, all good. He is trustworthy and faithful. He is mighty. . remember, He created the ENTIRE world (I think He can handle my 2 year old!) He is omniscient, omni-present and every other wonderful adjective that has even been used. We can trust Him because He is good and He loves us dearly. Therefore, surrender is amazing. If we realize this and live in the reality of it, we can do anything and go anywhere He leads. But, do we believe it and are we willing to live like it? It may look painful, it actually may be painful, but it will be worth it. Will we live dangerously surrendered lives to a Good God? I, for one, want to be the kind of person who can pray this puritan's prayer:

I am no longer my own, but yours. Put me to what you will, rank me
with whom you will, put me to doing, put me to suffering; let me be employed for
you or laid aside for you, exalted ofr you or brought low for you; let me be
full, let me by empty; let me have all things, let me have nothing; I freely and
heartily yield all things to your pleasure and disposal. An now, O
Glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, you are mine and I am
yours, So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be
ratified in heaven. Amen.

PS: I read Chapter 3 as well. . then, I realized. . I've basically already blogged this concept! I'm going back to add a bit to THIS blog that I already wrote along with the words and music of Sara Groves who brought to life the concept of Gloriously Ruined!

The Art of Listening Prayer - post 1

I just got this book in the mail (thanks Seth!). The title, The Art of Listening Prayer: Finding God's voice amidst life's noise immediately struck me. NOISE I have! With 3 toddlers (is Brayden still a toddler at 4? I think he might be a preschooler now. . hmmm. . ) in the house, life is LOUD!

I took a little time away from the noise this evening. . I drew a bath and read the first chapter. Great book already! It isn't a new concept for me, but definitely a refreshing one.

By the way, you are not alone if it IS a new concept for you. Many, many of the adults I know (even adults who have been believers for YEARS) have never heard God speak to them personally. For many. . possibly even most. . .believers, the concept of God dealing directly with His people on a personal level about everyday things seems like just a Bible-times concept. If this is you, do not fret. Don't be ashamed and pretend it's not you. It's ok. It's even ok to be afraid. Most of my friends who haven't heard God speak were initially afraid to ask Him or even to stop and listen. Why? Because it's scary and vulnerable. It's one thing to be alone or abandoned by this world. . it's a whole other deal to ask and listen and be so afraid that "what if He doesn't want to talk to me?". That's a scary point for many. . what if they ask and God denies them. If this is you, Fear NOT!!! Our God is an amazing God. He loves His people and LOVES to interact with them. Consider 2 points. . .1. It's Biblical! All OVER God's Word, He speaks to believers and directs them in everyday things. 2. It's practical. God describes himself as Father. Do you know any great dads who refuse to talk to their kids? NO! They LOVE spending time with their kids, getting to know them, sharing their love and deepening their relationship. God does too. . .if you've been holding back from this concept, this deepening of your relationship with the Lord, surrender. Give your fears to Him. . maybe even use that as your first listening prayer, "Lord I'm scared. . .do I need to be?".

Ok. . back to the book! While this idea of sitting and listening to God, knowing and living in the reality that God loves to deepen our relationship through real conversation is not new. . it is often overlooked in my busyness. So often, I relegate God to my shower time and then get in there and rattle off my stuff. Seth describes it as, "the rote pleadings of children who know well their own needs. . ." This was convicting for me. So much of my prayer time lately has been "on the go" talking. . .not a whole lot of listening. I am ready to get back to listening. I know that it will increase my love and depth of my relationship with Jesus. Even tonight, just sitting and asking the Lord to reveal my offenses today was such a wonderful time with Jesus. . .as He revealed to me why I was so overwhelmed and frustrated with my children today b/c I took my eyes off of Him. What a gentle reminder our Savior is. . .even when He is challenging me, His words are so gentle and sweet as He desires my heart to change more than just a drill sargeant seeking better behavior.

Thanks Tom for recommending this book and getting with Seth to give it out! I'm looking forward to the 30 day journey back to listening.

Do I have His Heart? Do I see them?

I haven't blogged much about our small group's journey through Fields of the Fatherless yet. It has been almost a raw experience. When I think of it, I think of holy discussion. We have challenged and encouraged each other to see our world differently. How our discussion started, however, may have been a bit odd.

The first thing you must know is this, at our church adoption is EVERYWHERE! There are at least 4 families in leadership that have adopted with another 6 in process and more waiting or wanting to adopt. It is pretty common place, very accepted and at times, I believe creates a bit of pressure. So, walking into Fields was a bit scary for some. If you add that to who I am as group leader. . well, I'm pretty sure people thought, "Oh, here we go again". You see, I'm a bit passionate. . .ok, strike that, I'm EXTREMELY passionate. Pretty much all of those who are close to me or who even talk to me on an occasional basis, know my passion. So, think of those things while I walk you through our first discussion. . .

The first thing we talked about is how to determine Biblical TRUTH, the absolute kind. . the mandate for all believers kind. By this, I mean, the truth that is true no matter what circumstance, time or place you find yourself in. I started by saying to the girls, "please, I ask you to cast aside who I am while you read this book." I knew, that if they thought of these concepts in terms of who I am (passionate about Africa, involved 20 hours a week, adoptive parent, etc.) that it would distract them from what God was telling them about THEM. Then, we discussed whether or not they believed that this call to help widows, orphans and the lonely was absolute truth. YES! They had no problem with that one! The next bit of our conversation was the part some of you may scratch your head at. . .I talked for a while about how I believe that adoption is not a mandate. YES, adoption is wonderful, God-inspired, beautiful picture of what He has done, amazing way to work in both us and the world. .however, it is not something I believe that EVERY Christian is called to. And, most importantly it cannot reach every orphan. Not all countries allow adoption and this call to aid the orphan HAS to be able to apply to them! Not everyone can afford it, not everyone has the time to give or the resources necessary to parent another child. Do I think that God calls people who can't afford it and He provides? Absolutely! However, adoption is just ONE piece of the puzzle. And, it's a piece they see on a VERY regular basis. These girls walked my adoption process with me and we are in the process of walking 2 of our other small group girls through it now. What we talked about is not getting distracted by adoption as the only way to live out this mandate. For some, their hubbies are begging and they aren't ready. For some, they are aching to do this and their hubbies aren't there yet. For some, they need to wait a few more years. . .but, here and NOW we are all called to live out the call to compassionate lives, whether through sponsoring a child oversees or befriending a child in our own neighborhood!

I believe that started us down a wonderful journey of exploring what it might mean in each of our lives if we just said yes to Jesus.

We talked about how God sees the hurting and how we see the hurting. . what would change if we saw Jesus in the homeless man at the intersection. What about the seniors (all lonely, many widowed) who were sitting RIGHT THEN in our church foyer for Seniors First. My friend, Sunday shared this amazing story that opened our eyes a bit to HIS view.

You see, she had gone out that last week to a restaurant. They had horrible service! Really bad! So bad the waitress came over and offered to bring out the manager for them. But, instead of leaving in a fume, as the others left, Sunday went back to the table, placed her arm around the waitress and said "it's ok. .don't let it ruin your night". The waitress broke down telling her how awful she was at this job compared to the other girls. . how she was a single mom who used to get to stay at home with her kids.

What we realized is this. . .the mandate to minister to the Fatherless, the Lonely, the Widows, the Poor and Needy is about two things. .
1. Lord, change my heart so I care about who and what you care about. . then,
2. Lord, open my eyes and make me aware! Because truly, IF I have His heart and see them, I WILL act. . His heart will not allow me to live any differently!

We have talked each week about the necessity about just being willing and ready. About seeing people. . whether in the news stories of the earthquake in China, the statistics of the AIDs orphans in Africa or the waitress at our restaurant. Do I see them and am I ready and willing to serve them? We must then obey. For some, God will call us to help right then and there. . to get involved in that crisis. . for others, it may be to pray. But, are we asking?

How we live out this call may look different. . I may live mine out primarily through orphan ministry in Africa while Jess may shepherd foster families and children alike, while Susan may minster to the seniors. . however, it's all one call. And we each have to be ready and willing.

Lord, take us. Take this group of women who are ready to serve. May we be willing to enter into the world of the hurting. To be disturbed and interrupted by YOU. Open our eyes that we may see those around us. Those in our family, our church, our community and our world whom you have called us to offer hope to. Use us. Make a difference in our world through us. .and oh Lord, change us!

Free Books!! And Good Ones Too!!!

You've heard me talk about how amazing the book, Red Letters is. . now you have a chance to get a copy FOR FREE! Also, you'll get a copy of the book, The Art of Listening Prayer.

2 things. . .you've got to have a blog and you have to promise to blog about what you learned while reading! Got it? Now go to Tom's Blog and order your FREE books today! Let's do this together. . .I just emailed in for my free copy of Listening Prayer since I already have Red Letters! We can blog together what we are learning! Go to Tom's Blog NOW!!!

Weekly Update.. . .with lots of pics!

Yes, I've been a slacker blogger this week! I'm sorry!! The truth is that it was a CRAZY week. On Tuesdays, I volunteer at the church. . .which means, leave home at 8 to drive 30 min to my Mom's to drop off the kids, drive 45-1hour to church. Work till 4 (usually 5), drive back to my mom's . . definitely an hour in this traffic and this week. . back to my in-laws to drop the kids off for my Leadership Team meeting. . so 3 hours of driving! And, 10 hours of work! Then, Wednesday morning, the littles and I (Bray was already there) drove to the beach to hang with Grandma and Grandpa (my in-laws) for the night! Lots of fun times by the beach. . but, not many pictures! Just these couple (oh and one thrown in from the littles and I day by the pool on Monday. . .in our front yard! Yep, I'm thinking this $23 was well spent and will be well used since it's already 100 degrees here!) of fun pics too. . .I have lots of stuff running around in my head, but I'll have to blog something a little deeper later! This is a big deal! Davis HATES to work on swimming. . .if you are making him. However, if he's doing it on his own, perfectly fine! So, this is him finally swimming on his own! Yeah! (with armies. . but that will change!)
How sweet is this picture? Grandpa and Gracie. . .oh how she loves him!
I'm not a huge two piece fan on little girls because I don't know when to stop it for modesty. . but when potty training, it is MUCH easier! And how cute is my girl? The boys and Grandma went to the pool and Gracie, Grandpa and I sat at the beach. . so relaxing and Gracie loved playing in the sand.
Just a random pic of Grandpa and Davis (not the best of Grandpa but check Davis' crazy eyes out . . and his arm around Grandpa!)
We swam all afternoon Tuesday, spent the night and stayed on Wednesday through nap time. We came home in time to get to bed last night and for me to hang with Greg for a few minutes. . then, today was small group (a FABULOUS conversation on Fields of the Fatherless. . have you bought it yet?), naps and BOWLING! Greg was out on an airboat scouting Gators (he'll have to write about that one!). . .So, here are our very first bowling pics!

This rack that they can push balls down is fabulous! When they just roll them alone. . it takes at least 25 seconds to just get it to the pins! Too funny!

Gloriously Ruined - Dangerous Surrender Chap 3

*I originally wrote this post on May 20th. . but then tonight (6/27) I read the 3rd chapter of Dangerous Surrender and realized. . I've already blogged this concept! The concept is "Gloriously Ruined" and oh that it is. The truth is Africa has ruined me. Her pain, poverty, her people. I'm ruined. . ruined for my life here. . ruined to enjoy "the finer things". . ruined to stop thinking of them and their sweet faces and their pain. I hurt and ache for the hurting in our world. . and yet, somewhere in the midst it is glorious. There is something AMAZING about this life change. I wouldn't go back if you paid me. While living in both worlds can be tricky (a bit of an understatement at times!). . it is glorious b/c it brings me closer to Jesus. Somehow, asking Him for His heart for the hurting. . both in Africa and throughout the world is amazing and intimate. I feel drawn close to His chest when I cry out for them. When I weep it is on His shoulder and with His tears. She described it beautifully, I am Gloriously Ruined! This song says it all. . thanks to Sara Groves who put words and music to this concept!


This song has been on my mind so much lately. . it practically haunts me. PLEASE turn your volume up and take just 3 minutes to watch this video. If you haven't been or don't really have a passion for Africa (and/or poverty stricken lands) and basically just read this to keep up with my life (family and friends). .please take the time to watch this. I feel like this video / song explains me.



The truth is: I saw what I saw and I'll never be the same. I love this video, but the truth is that my own images play in my head while listening / crying to this song.

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it. . .


I heard what I heard and I can't go back. . .


I know what I know and I can't deny it. . .



Something on the road, cut me to the soul. . .

I don't have a picture of this little man. . .the 1-2 year old boy, who upon seeing Buster get out of the car with candy, dropped off the perch he was on with his mama and crawled, naked to Buster. Crawled, not because he was too young to walk but because his feet were clubbed. Crawled the way he'll always crawl. I couldn't take a picture, I was sobbing at that point. . .

Their pain has changed me. I'll never be the same. I know it feels like I'm a downer and you may not enjoy hearing my heart or even looking in their eyes. .but, do it. There I was changed. I will never be the same. In an amazing way too. . I wouldn't change that time for the entire world. Just looking at these pictures and watching this video make me LONG to go back. . oh please, Tom, let's get this trip planned. . I have to get there soon!!


"Your Dreams Inspire"

Compassion, Pain and Intimacy

Let's face it. . we don't like to hurt. It's true, we can all admit it. We don't like our hearts to ache, to feel sadness, to mourn, to cry our eyes out. Why? I believe because it leaves us needy and vulnerable. . and wanting something more. We don't like that. .

However, we sing, "I want to know you, I want to see your face, I want to know you more. I want to touch you, I want to hear your voice, I want to know you more."

Nope. We don't. Well, we don't all the way and when we do, it is an act of obedience and not necessarily the easiest song to sing anymore. You see Jesus is a contradiction that we don't understand. He is complete joy (this, we like) and also the epitomy of suffering and loss. We want to know, love, touch and see the beautiful parts of Jesus that fill us with love and joy.

Jesus said, "Whatever you do to the least of these, you have done to me." Want to see Jesus? Look into the eyes of the homeless man you pass. Want to touch him? Hold an HIV+ orphan. Want to hear him? be a listening ear for a single mom. Want to know Him more? Obey him.

Compassion is where it's found. Jesus talked about and demonstarted compassion during His ministry here. In fact, His CHARACTER is compassionate. First, let's define that word. Compassion is from the Latin words "pati" and "cum" translated, "TO SUFFER WITH". Henri Nouwen says, "Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak , vulnerable with the vulnerable and powerless with the powerless. . ." Tom Davis sums it up in 4 words, "Compassion is about INVOLVEMENT". We saw Jesus get involved in people's lives. To walk among the hurting, to go to their homes to visit their cities, to wait for them at the well in the heat of the day. AND, he told us to do it too. God's word is replete with commands to weep with those who weep, to comfort, to mourn together. INVOLVEMENT in other's lives. .yes, even their pain. Jesus did this, the early church did this. .do we? Are we willing to enter into other's lives and feel their pain? And, at what point do we say, "enough is enough". Are we willing to enter in our neighbor's life? Are we willing to cry for the families in Burma and China who lost their lives and loved ones? Do we weep over the starving children or those sold into prostitution or slavery today? Or. . do we shy away from pain. I am challenged to believe that to shy away from pain, is to shy away from Jesus.

Not only did he command compassion and demonstrate compassion during His earthly ministry, but He offers it to me EVERY DAY. Read and let the words of Lamentations 3 speak to you,

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "

And this is just ONE of 100 verses that mention compassion. I encourage you to spend an hour. Go to Bible.com and search the word compassion. Now change it to "suffer with" every time you read. Do you stand amazed? The GOD OF THE UNIVERSE suffers with me every day. He chooses to enter my pain and comfort me. He chooses to see my tears. God's word says they are precious to Him. If I feel SO special that the God of the universe would feel my pain, why am I not willing to do the same for others. To cry for the AIDS orphan in Zimbabwe for whom no one has cried. To cry with the single mom who just doesn't know how to do it anymore. To feel their pain. And, in the process, to know HIM more.

For he says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. "

There is little that is more intimate than comforting someone who is mourning. Am I willing to mourn so that I may be comforted by the lover of my soul? Are you?

*PS: if you want to be challenged more, go buy Fields of the Fatherless by Tom Davis!

For The Joy Set Before You (FF #1)

I told you guys I'm reading Fields of the Fatherless (have you bought it yet?). Deep stuff. . the kind of stuff that you underline almost everything and have to take it to Jesus to chew on!

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

On the other hand. . . .I have 3 friends right now talking about or pursuing adoption / foster care. One pursuing foster/adopt for a baby or toddler, one for foster/adopt for a teenage boy and one consider adopting an HIV+ child from Africa. ALL 3 women have gotten these comments, "do you know what you are getting yourself into?", "but, what if the mom exposed them to drugs?", "this is going to be really hard", "I've heard of people adopting teens who go on to kill them all", "what if the baby you adopt comes here to die a horrible death?".

JESUS, For the JOY set before Him, endured the cross for us. THE JOY, did you read that part? JOY!!! Joy in following the Lord, Joy in redeeming us, Joy in changing the course of history. For the Joy set before HIM, he CHOSE suffering. I live my life with gratitude that Jesus didn't listen to those who would have said, "it's not worth it". He didn't equate JOY and EASE. In fact, the greatest Joy was found in the cross. So, then WHY do we not live life like that? Are we that selfish? Is our comfort that pricey? Are our tears that valuable that we would rather let a little child DIE alone, in the dirt, hungry and hurting in the middle of Africa than hold her head and whisper words of Truth to her in the midst of her pain. That we would rather watch the fatherless continue to grow up alone. That we would say that teenager, JUST MIGHT cause me trouble. That we would CHOOSE not to enter the suffering of our world. Is that the kind of people we want to be? Is that the characterization we want of our church, HIS BODY in this world?

The truth is that to enter the world of the orphan, the widow and the stranger (whom God talks about ALL throughout Scripture and commands us to minister to) requires some pain, some discomfort. I had a friend tell me recently that all this talk of starving children in Africa was "a real downer". Yes, I know. But, Jesus did it. He entered our world of suffering to save us. I am eternally grateful that He chose to leave perfection, Heaven, a place of privilege and blessing to enter the world of poverty. To be born a baby in a barn. To die on a cross. For the Joy Set Before Him.

The question is WHAT do we set before ourselves? 2 Corinthians 4:18 says, "So let us fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For, what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal." IF, my eyes are on Jesus. On the JOY Set Before Me, I will choose to suffer with the least of these, to be uncomfortable.

Where in your life do you need this truth to permeate? Where are your eyes fixed on the temporary, the seen, the circumstances? Where can we, as believers, join Him in choosing to suffer with the least of these, to care and do something (no matter what!) For the JOY Set Before Us?