Wednesday, November 14, 2007

First Pictures and Some Thoughts

One thing that you always read about adoptive parents is their need to grieve. To grieve the babyhood (and for us, some toddlerhood too) that we never knew of our children. To grieve not holding them or having memories of their first days. To grieve not being there when they got their first tooth, learned to walk or spoke their first word. Henry Davis is already 2 years and 4 months old. We have missed much. Sometimes I think, "oh he's just 2" and then I interact with Gracie. She is just 19 months old and yet we have experienced so much with her. I can't imagine meeting Gracie for the first time, just now.

While this makes me sad, I don't believe that I've grieved this at all. I am too full of joy of the very prospect of meeting him. I'm too excited and passionate about adoption to not think that the "Gotcha Day" is just as exciting as any Birth Day that could ever exist. However, I know this time will come. Sometimes, I wonder when. Will I grieve when the other kids want to hear about how they were as babies and I have nothing to tell him? Will I grieve when I get him home and realize I don't really know him? That I can't predict what he'll like or do like I can the other kids? Will I grieve when I hold him when he's crying and don't immediately conjure up images of holding him as an infant b/c there are none? Will I wonder when I see newborn babies, "is that what you looked like?"

Ok, so just writing this may start my grieving. . .I am crying just thinking about it. . .but just a bit. It's still theory. . .sad and difficult theory. It will be a whole different story when I hold him in my arms, though. When I feel his little body snuggling into mine. I feel like I love him so much already, but I know I have only barely scratched the surface




10 comments:

tegdirb92 said...

wonderful shots--congratulations from one adoptive mom to another :)

Melissa said...

Great post. I wish you all the luck in your adoption!

Ria said...

Wow you do look fresh just after labour... I looked like I was hit by a truck twice!

**"Liza"** said...

Goregous shot!congarts to you and your family..happy WW!

Missy said...

Brandi, I can assure you that everything about gotcha day is just as overwhelming, wonderful, fantastic, emotional and memorable as childbirth. Maybe even more so.
What is Henry's b-day? Levi's is July 2nd of 05. It sounds like they might be pretty close in age.
I can totally relate to the not so fresh, after natural childbirth photos. Not too many of those left hanging around. Take care. love, Missy

it's me, Val said...

Oh I am so happy for you. We want to adopt, I think I've told you this before?, but we aren't sure when yet. Soon, I hope. I would *love* to talk to you via email if you didn't mind? I believe I need a strong network before we go into it this time (we started in on the processs about 5 years ago). Again, I am so happy for you. And I totally understand the grieving part. I really do. I understand it in so many ways. I would so love to talk sometime. Blessings to you!

amber shimel said...

What a beautiful post! It made me cry just reading it. Chad and I definitely want to adopt someday and it is such a blessing to see you going through the process and sharing everything you experience so openly. It's a wonderful encouragement to us that have not yet joined in the adoption journey. Love you!

Tiany said...

Beautiful pictures, beautiful post!!! Adoption has always been heavy on my heart, we would love to adopt a little one or not so little one from Liberia one day. I am standing in faith knowing it will happen one day.

You have a lovely blog, I look forward to reading about your amazing journey!

Faith said...

Brandi,
You are right, the grieving will come. For some of my kids I grieved harder than for others, it's never the same. At least you are recognizing the possiblity of it now so that you can be prepared.
Blessings, Faith

Donna Barber said...

My "gotcha" days were much more emotional than the birth of our kids. We had to work a bizillion times harder to get them and the relief to finally have it all come true is almost over whelming. I cry when each parent gets their kids when I worked for AOH as I know exactly what they are going through emotionally. You will never forget.