Friday, December 21, 2007

A Christmas Glog

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good glog!!!
There are many things to be thankful for as we approach this most joyous time of year. I have prepared a list of the top ten reasons I am thankful this Christmas season. Prepare to be amazed as you forge through into the wild yule yonder.
However I would like to offer this short word of caution as you read this most magical and magnificent list.
Warning: Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this glog as you may crash into an overpass and start a fire that will burn out of control! Do not attempt to read this glog while under the influence of alcohol (We all know that Christians never touch the stuff, but for those of you who may not be Christian, I want to be sure that you are forewarned) you may miss some of the "subtle" humor and the 8.5 minutes spent reading it would be a complete waste. . . and well that is 8.5 minutes that you will never get back. And finally, be sure not to read this in a public place as your uncontrollable laughter may hinder those trying to observe this most joyous of seasons.

10. I am thankful that I have made it 30 years and have yet to be eaten and/or scourged by a bear (black, brown, or polar... notice that I failed to mention panda which is a story for another day).
9. I am thankful that the Japanese had the forethought to invent sushi. I mean, they are truly culinary masters. Who would have thought it? Eight pieces of raw fish (total weight 1.1 ounce) for $11.95. They are brilliant and we are suckers. No wonder the dollar is so weak!! (FYI Brandi is out getting us some right now).
8. I am thankful for the word sucker. It is a great word that can have so many wonderful meanings. For example, your best friends just treated you to an evening of dinner and dancing and at the end of the evening, you could use the traditional approach of graciously thanking them in the widely accepted manor, i.e. "Thank you for a wonderful evening, it has been a pleasure to dine and dance with you." Or, you could try this... "Thank you for a wonderful evening ,it has been a pleasure to dine and dance with you ...SUCKERS." It completely changes the meaning and makes the statement much funnier. I recommend you try incorporating this word into your everyday life, I promise you won't be disappointed.
7. I am thankful for mistletoe. Without such a wonderful and useful berry I am likely not to get any action this season. (We have three kids under 4!!!) Warning to those of you whom I may see at holiday parties (still waiting for the invites btw) please note that I am not above kissing anyone standing under the aforementioned mistletoe.

6. I am thankful for the movie "A Christmas Story" and to TBS who blesses us every December 24th/25th with an all day marathon of this holiday classic. Where would we be without little Ralphie Parker and his pursuit of the official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock. This is my favorite Christmas movie and I am likely to watch it 4-5 times on Christmas Eve/Day. Please note that this is not an endorsement for the use of guns among children. That type of personal expression of opinion should be saved for a more appropriate forum such as one's personal blog.
5. I am thankful for eggnog. What a wonderfully mysterious beverage. Does anyone know for sure what eggnog is made out of? I have done some personal research and found the chemical make up of eggnog is as follows: 2 parts egg, 3 parts nog, 100 parts delicious.
4. I am thankful for Menorah's, Dreidels, and Chanukah in general. I have officially adopted the Jewish holiday which means that I can make the holidays last from December 4th through New Years. I am going to push for the entire month of December to be called Chanumas and everyone can go on vacation beginning Dec. 4th. That sounds like a Judeo-Christian holiday that I can get behind.
3. I am thankful for my mom's Christmas cookies...they are good. Brandi's are not so good, but Brandi is the big winner as she gets me forever. Sorry mom (but please don't stop making the cookies..I will always love you).
2. I am thankful for my adoring glog fans and all of their wonderful comments. Brandi is still amazed that I topped 39 comments on one blog. But most of all I am thankful for the thought provoking and always insightful comments of anonymous, without whom glogging would be a mere shell of what it has become.
1. I am thankful for attachment parenting techniques (which I still don't completely agree with due to my claustrophobia) that have given me the wonderful opportunity to parent our 50+ pound, English Bulldog, Dumptruck in new and exciting ways. We have really grown closer as you can see. He loves our attachment sessions and often falls asleep in my arms. FYI the dog snores louder than I do.

So as always, in conclusion a preface, From our family to yours We Wish a Merry Chanumas, a Merry Christmas, a Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanza, Blessed Aplastic Anemia Week, Happy Hand Washing Awareness week, Merry Coats for Kids Day, Warm Aids Awareness Day, Nutritious Eat a Red Apple Day, Wonderful Rosa Parks Day, Memorable International Day of Disabled Persons, Productive Volunteer Day, Happy St. Nicholas Day, A Skytopping Civil Aviation Day, Honored Pearl Harbor Day, An Educational International Children's Day of Broadcasting, A Hand slapping Grand Ole Opry Day, Happy Human Rights Day, A Unique Bonza Bottlers Day, A Fulfilling Feast of our Lady of Guadalupe Day, A Beautiful Poinsettia Day, A Delicious Ice Cream and Violins Day, A Happy St. Lucy Day, A Respectful Bill of Rights Day, A Wonderful New Jersey Admission Day, A Forgetful Forefathers Day, A Seafaring Maritime Day, Wonderful Winter Solstice, Merry Christmas Eve, Delectable Eggnog Day, Happy Canadian Boxing Day, Happy New Year's Eve (all actual December Holidays), And if I have offended you by being so bold as to exclude Happy Louis Pasteur Day; well than I guess you will just have to learn to deal with it, because I refuse to drink anything that is pasteurized.
Most Likely,


Laura said...

CHEERS TO THE BEST GLOG YET. BTW you definitely lost weight from the flu. Gotta love that... just means that you get to eat more over the next few days

Anonymous said...

I am saddened by the lack of comments here! Come on people, Greg is the best glogger on the face of the planet, in fact when I find a "Pa" for Isaac he is going to be required to spend a week with Greg before the wedding to learn the secret are of Glogging! IF he said "Pa" refuses that will be a deal breaker for me!

Greg and Brandi you know we love you and just for giggles I'm going anonymous just this once.

As they say over the pond, have a Happy Christmas!


Jocelyn and Isaac

Blu and Darbi said...

You two must be quite the pair...We would LOVE to hang out with you!!

Love ya,
Darbi :)

Donna Barber said...

I think you need to rename the drink in keeping with the spirit of this glog - not eggnog but glognog!! Spike mine a little! ha. ok? Sucker??

amber said...

HA! I love Donna's comment! Glognog! I am cracking up (I could have used a spiked one today, too! :)

And that picture is TOO FUNNY! I think Greg needs to write a book about bonding and attachment for dogs... let's see, it could be titled "The Connected Canine" :)

And, finally, I too am grateful for little Ralphie Parker... Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without Ralphie!

Love to all five of ya!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Greg for taking this time to post a holiday glog. You have reminded us of the true meaning of Christmas in your top ten things to be thankful for. Yes, eggnog (some refer to it as glognog), raw fish, and bonding with your canine are really what the season is about. And we all wait with baited breath for your glog "The Connected Canine" since we would love to have the close relationship with our pet you have with yours. I can tell your techniques really work from the love in Dumptruck's little eyes.

Keep up the good work!


running shoes said...

Merry Christmas!

Cassie - Homeschooling Four said...

All I have to say is, "I'm glad I am no where close to you and mistle toe :)"
Merry Christmas.

Jan said...

Glad to see I made the glog or at least my cookies did. You are the "good son"!

Christina said...

"DagNabItBlah!" and "Not a finger!" Is there anything better? I'm with you on that being my favorite Christmas movie and I enjoyed my 24 hour marathon immensely!

Tessa said...

As for number 8 and and number 6, I would have to agree.
Laura has a point. It is definetly on the top list of glogs. Well done.
I love to see a good ol glog...even though Im a smidgen late to see it.